[00:00.00]Every culture has some set of rituals associated with death.[00:05.54]These rituals serve an important function, and are a way for societies to control the grief caused by death. [00:12.94]Death rituals give the bereaved family and friends specific roles to play.[00:17.84]The roles differ from one culture to another; however, in every culture the roles sort of give shape to the days and weeks following the death of a loved one.[00:28.34]Death rituals prescribe what the family should wear, who should be called, what behavior should be shown, and so on.
[00:35.84]Depending on the family’s religion, they may need to gather friends and family for a wake, arrange to sit shiva, or arrange a memorial service.[00:45.94] There are different cultural expectations for how the bereaved persons should act. [00:50.54]They may be expected to show little emotion, or they may be expected to scream and tear their hair.
[00:56.44]The rituals also have roles for friends, who often act as support givers.[01:02.04]For example, friends may bring food to the home of the bereaved family, or drop in to offer help, or send flowers or sympathy cards. [01:11.44]Whatever the social rules are, everyone has a role to fill.[01:15.94]Death rituals can strengthen family connections. [01:20.04]Funerals bring family members together, just like weddings do.[01:23.74]Rituals can also give meaning to the death by emphasizing the life of the person who died. [01:29.94]A funeral or memorial service usually includes some sort of biography or personal memories of the person.[01:37.24]Most people feel that it’s extremely important to review the deceased person’s life.[01:42.43]Reviewing the life and accomplishments of the loved one—sharing stories and memories with family and friends—this makes the death easier for the survivors to accept.
[01:52.24]But when the funeral or memorial service is over, what happens then? [01:56.84]How do the survivors cope with the loss of a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend, or a lover? [02:03.78]Once past the rituals, the grieving person moves through a complex grief process.
[02:08.54]One theory states that there are four stages of grieving: numbness, yearning, despair, and reorganization. [02:19.84]In the first stage, the bereaved person feels numbness—a lack of feeling.[02:25.34]Or he or she feels shock, disbelief, confusion, a sense of unreality—normally lasting a few days after the death. [02:34.54]In the second stage—yearning—the bereaved person yearns for and may actively search for the lost one.[02:42.54] This is a time of anxiety and guilt, fear and anger.[02:48.04]The third stage is when the person feels great despair, exhaustion, depression, or withdrawal.[02:55.54]He or she may feel disorganized and unable to do normal activities. [03:00.54]Finally, in the fourth stage—reorganization—the person takes control of his or her life again. [03:06.94]This is a time of healing. [03:08.94]The person feels energy again, takes up normal activities again, and finds new relationships.
[03:15.51]The four stages of grieving—numbness, yearning, despair, and reorganization—are not the same for everyone, nor does everyone necessarily go through every stage.[03:27.74] The stage theory is just one of many models that psychologists use to help people manage the loss of a loved one.
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